I am a mother who works from home and my superiors have no intention of returning me to the office at the moment. To really get the job done, I put together childcare with the help of family and friends.
I have one friend who has really gone above and beyond to adjust her flexible work schedule to my appointments and deadlines. She cooks, cleans and takes care of my daughter while I am busy with work.
I am still breastfeeding my daughter, putting her to sleep and changing her diapers. If there is a lull in my day, I will play with them. She says she is more than happy to be here with us and said we don’t have to pay her, although she appreciates it when we do.
““Due to family health concerns and COVID-19, we hope to postpone the living room as long as possible.””
Without it, I would not be successful in my business and I want to be sure that I do not use it. I don’t feel like I’m taking away her job and we often pay for her food while she’s here, and she also gave me food and drinks.
As gas prices rise, I gave her about $ 50 to $ 100 a week for her one-day support (some days my job is super easy and we basically just hang out, other times I’m busy all day and I try and I pay her accordingly).
I know I could simply send my daughter to kindergarten, but due to family health concerns and COVID-19, we hope to postpone kindergarten as long as possible. Besides, spending time with my child is invaluable.
After all, I want my family and friends in my daughter’s life, but I don’t want to lose touch along the way. Any advice?
Guilti Remote Worker
Dear culprits,
There is a transaction here, but it is not just a money transaction, nor is it equal. You need to acknowledge this before deciding what your next step should be. Otherwise, you could both pay too high a price for this childcare arrangement, and one that neither of you expects to pay.
Your friend likes to cook i clean and take care of your child during work breaks. You are grateful and appreciate her efforts, so much so that you pay her $ 100 for two days and $ 50 for one day as a gesture. He walks that thin line between work at home and service from a friend, but even that is not quite so.
The average price of a nanny for babysitting in 2021 was $ 694 per week, compared to $ 565 per week in 2019, according to Care.com, the online market. It does about $ 140 a day, assuming it’s a five-day week. If you had a nanny, you would pay her almost three times more than what you pay your friend.
So why is the transaction unequal? For her, you are a found family. Your friend obviously enjoys being part of the family. She may be lonely and not the only one who felt that way during the pandemic. I guess she doesn’t have children of her own, and my - joker’s - assumption is that she is too.
“You became more than a friend to her, but she became less than a friend to you. Not less than a friend, but less than a friend. ”
For you, she’s a friend who has been incredibly generous with her time, i her labor. But the fact that you are paying her is already blurring the precious line between friendship and work. You became more than a friend to her, but she became less than a friend to you. Not less of friend, but less him friend.
Your friend gives her effort for almost nothing because she loves your child and thinks it makes sense to be of help to your family. Although she likes to be there and thinks that your noise in your household is nutritious, your friendship has changed because you have commercialized it.
At some point, your friend may realize that this deal was not entirely in her favor. Most middle-class families today could not afford Alice from the “Brady Group”. But Alice wore a blue suit to outline her position in the household, her name was Carol “Mrs. Brady”, and she was probably paid at the market price.
It’s time to dress your friend in Alice’s blue suit - metaphorically speaking, that is, not literally - and pay her her time properly, or to end the arrangement and send your child to kindergarten. Alternatively and preferably, hire another nanny for one or two days a week and pay that person a fair price.
Otherwise, it will end in tears - not your baby’s tears.
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